Tales of Woe, Volume II, Issue 0

Contents this issue:    Opening Comments

Last Year's Stats Extravaganza!

SECTION A: OPENING COMMENTS

Well, as we gear up for the new season in our shiny new automated Munch system, we have a lot on our minds. So to take some of the pressure off from poring over cut lists and training plans, I thought I'd FINALLY get around to mailing out what Nick Guoth (Roxburgh Kittens, Gold Division) so kindly sent me way back, oh, months ago.

I have some old submissions I never printed in an issue (I don't think...), but I'll save them for some other time. In the meantime, if anyone has learned anything fabulous in the off-season or has become newly-confused, the submission lines are back open for business, and as I have actually already published a T&T for the EEFL, I can hopefully promise to be a more responsible editor in the season ahead.

SECTION B: STATS! STATS! STATS!

From: Nick.Guoth@anu.edu.au

                                                 BY  TEAM
         Team              Goal     Point      Miss   Accuracy  Markk  

Heart Division:
 The St. Louis Cattle      329       320       108 	0.435   310  
 Havana Spaz Attack        281       274       168   	0.389   274
 Brisbane Dingos           186       172       126   	0.384   171
 Berlin Maniac Warriors    134       146       151   	0.311   151
 Manix Maulers             121       117       152   	0.310   137
 CSUA                      80        90        94   	0.303    67
 The Mythstics             62        92        106   	0.238    69
 Tasmanian Devils          31        41        59   	0.237    35
 
Diamond Division:
 Giant Redwoods            370       308       121   	0.463   332
 Roxburgh Kittens          149       150       163   	0.323   186
 Wallamaloo Phil. Dept.    162       144       126   	0.375   126
 Holsworthy Hammers        116       137        95   	0.333   138
 Bohemian Rhapsody         104       102        68   	0.380    60
 Greymoor Gladiators       109       102       100   	0.350    81
 Palo Alto Guild           75        80         86   	0.311    92
 Viking Raiders            69        83        135   	0.240   105
 
Spade Division:
 Besiktas Black Eagles     204       217       148   	0.358   205
 Newcastle Novas           153       172       124   	0.341   137
 Montreal Maulers          145       150       102   	0.365   119
 Cambridge Tigers          201       167       171   	0.373   197
 Colombian Saints          122       131       154   	0.299   153
 Seasame Street Muppets    114       119       89   	0.354    85
 Black Lectroids           52        45        73   	0.306    65
 New York Hungry Vultures  92        107       131   	0.279   109

Club Division: California Sluggers 238 221 107 0.420 209 The Borg 224 200 84 0.441 164 Bodoe Glimt 174 179 147 0.348 147 Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 167 165 143 0.352 172 Wimbledon Litter Colls. 127 123 163 0.308 131 Pinyin Mandarins 115 115 103 0.345 94 Tartan Terrors 63 73 119 0.247 100 Twin Peaks Owls 36 62 103 0.179 65

[Editor's Note: Successful teams do all three offensive skills well: Scramble to get open, Mark to get shots, Kick to score goals. It's hard to extrapolate the importance of each skill from the above stats, but do some thinking on your own about the correlation between the number of Markks and position; also, between the accuracy and position. The missing link, obviously, is defense, but still, if you are planning how to train your offensive stars and your mobiles, you may want to consider Kick vs. Mark a little tighter.]

				GOAL
Pos	Name                       No. Acc.  Team
 1  Samuel Hamwickjones            54  0.45 The St. Louis Cattle           
     
 2  Grant Awish                    52  0.53 Giant Redwoods                 
    Joey King                      52  0.45 Besiktas Black Eagles          
     
 4  Allen Wrench                   50  0.51 Giant Redwoods                 
     
 5  Craig Strilchuk                46  0.46 California Sluggers            
     
 6  Timothy Butterworth            45  0.46 The St. Louis Cattle           
     
 7  Billyjoe Clembourne            43  0.43 The St. Louis Cattle           
     
 8  Perry Anthrust                 42  0.45 Havana Spaz Attack             
     
 9  Mathew Dundas                  40  0.49 Roxburgh Kittens               
     
10  Pete Moss                      39  0.46 Havana Spaz Attack             
    William King                   39  0.38 Besiktas Black Eagles          
     
12  Unit 34                        38  0.47 The Borg                       
    Bruce Hume                     38  0.55 Wallamaloo Philosophy Department
    Unit 32                        38  0.41 The Borg                       
     
15  George King                    37  0.45 Chaos Demon Stalkers           
     
16  Larry Moe                      36  0.58 Giant Redwoods                 
    Sean Onme                      36  0.36 Giant Redwoods                 
     
18  Unit 31                        35  0.57 The Borg                       
    Karl Bouche                    35  0.45 Brisbane Dingos                
     
20  Henry Old                      34  0.54 The St. Louis Cattle           
    Lee Mealone                    34  0.50 Havana Spaz Attack             
    Greg Peck                      34  0.48 Newcastle Novas                
     
23  Bruce Marlamb                  33  0.39 California Sluggers            
    Ted Theodore Logan             33  0.48 Wimbledon Litter Collectors    
     
25  Allen Rench                    32  0.41 Havana Spaz Attack             
    Steinar Nohr                   32  0.49 Bodoe Glimt                    
    Val Voline                     32  0.42 Havana Spaz Attack             
     
28  Curly Moe                      30  0.48 Giant Redwoods                 
    Unit 35                        30  0.40 The Borg                       
    Bruce Hobbes                   30  0.48 Wallamaloo Philosophy Department
    Titus Groan                    30  0.39 Livermore Rowdy Yobbos         
     
32  Liv Pinkering                  29  0.54 The St. Louis Cattle           
    Rudy "the Rocket" Richard      29  0.49 Cambridge Tigers               
    Pi                             29  0.60 Pinyin Mandarins               
    Collin Spencer                 29  0.37 Brisbane Dingos                
     
36  Mike Wizard                    28  0.43 Newcastle Novas                
    Michael Hegstrand              28  0.42 Berlin Maniac Warriors         
    Terry Bollea                   28  0.44 Berlin Maniac Warriors         
    Tony Lockett                   28  0.51 Colombian Saints               
     
40  Craig Senef                    27  0.49 California Sluggers            
    Ben Shahn                      27  0.35 Brisbane Dingos                
    Brett Stevens                  27  0.44 Roxburgh Kittens               
     
43  Anders Christensen             26  0.37 Bodoe Glimt                    
    Gregor Libadiev                26  0.57 Montreal Maulers               
    Scott Timm                     26  0.36 California Sluggers            
    Jim Senile                     26  0.43 The St. Louis Cattle           
    Sam Sylvester                  26  0.34 Cambridge Tigers               
     
48  Sam the Eagle                  25  0.50 Cambridge Tigers               
    Jack Et                        25  0.54 Giant Redwoods                 
    Doug Stein                     25  0.61 California Sluggers            
    Andrew Theday                  25  0.43 Giant Redwoods                 
    Gerald Fitz                    25  0.48 Giant Redwoods                 
    Bruce Aristotle                25  0.40 Wallamaloo Philosophy Department

 				MARK
Pos	Name			   No. Acc.	Team
 1  Timothy Butterworth            56  0.46 The St. Louis Cattle           
     
 2  George King                    50  0.45 Chaos Demon Stalkers           
    Craig Strilchuk                50  0.46 California Sluggers            
     
 4  Sean Onme                      49  0.36 Giant Redwoods                 
    Samuel Hamwickjones            49  0.45 The St. Louis Cattle           
     
 6  Allen Wrench                   47  0.51 Giant Redwoods                 
     
 7  William King                   43  0.38 Besiktas Black Eagles          
     
 8  Billyjoe Clembourne            42  0.43 The St. Louis Cattle           
     
 9  Karl Bouche                    41  0.45 Brisbane Dingos                
     
10  Joey King                      39  0.45 Besiktas Black Eagles          
    Tony Lockett                   39  0.51 Colombian Saints               
     
12  Andrew Theday                  37  0.43 Giant Redwoods                 
     
13  Jim Wynd                       36  0.35 Roxburgh Kittens               
    Kevin Sargant                  36  0.37 Manix Maulers                  
     
15  Ben Shahn                      32  0.35 Brisbane Dingos                
    Garry Ablett                   32  0.33 Colombian Saints               
    Bruce Marlamb                  32  0.39 California Sluggers            
    Steinar Nohr                   32  0.49 Bodoe Glimt                    
    Mathew Dundas                  32  0.49 Roxburgh Kittens               
     
20  Unit 34                        31  0.47 The Borg                       
     
21  Jim Krakouer                   30  0.31 Colombian Saints               
    Dawn 'Venus' Starshine         30  0.35 Livermore Rowdy Yobbos         
    Allen Rench                    30  0.41 Havana Spaz Attack             
    Val Voline                     30  0.42 Havana Spaz Attack             
     
25  Perry Anthrust                 29  0.45 Havana Spaz Attack             
    Brett Stevens                  29  0.44 Roxburgh Kittens               
    Grant Awish                    29  0.53 Giant Redwoods                 
    Abie Costello                  29  0.32 Cambridge Tigers               
     
29  Jason Brocker                  28  0.42 Manix Maulers                  
     
30  Barry Menot                    27  0.52 Giant Redwoods                 
    Pi                             27  0.60 Pinyin Mandarins               
    Jack Et                        27  0.54 Giant Redwoods                 
    Wade Evidens                   27  0.41 Holsworthy Hammers             
    Scott Timm                     27  0.36 California Sluggers            
    Lee Mealone                    27  0.50 Havana Spaz Attack             
     
36  Groo the Wanderer              26  0.36 Wimbledon Litter Collectors    
    Wayne Incolar                  26  0.32 Manix Maulers                  
    Pete Moss                      26  0.46 Havana Spaz Attack             
    Unit 35                        26  0.40 The Borg                       
    Unit 32                        26  0.41 The Borg                       
     
41  Terry Bollea                   25  0.44 Berlin Maniac Warriors         
    Mike Wizard                    25  0.43 Newcastle Novas                
    Handel                         25  0.31 Viking Raiders                 
    Marc Gregoire                  25  0.48 Montreal Maulers               
    Wade Opinyun                   25  0.37 Holsworthy Hammers             
    Greg Peck                      25  0.48 Newcastle Novas                
     
47  Jim Senile                     24  0.43 The St. Louis Cattle           
    Collin Spencer                 24  0.37 Brisbane Dingos                
    Digger 'Archy' Harkness        24  0.31 Livermore Rowdy Yobbos         
    Erik the Awful                 24  0.44 Viking Raiders                 
    Ted Theodore Logan             24  0.48 Wimbledon Litter Collectors    
     

 				MISS
Pos	Name		          No. Acc.	Team
 1  Hank Jannings                 27  0.22 Cambridge Tigers                
    
 2  Crusher Harris                25  0.22 Newcastle Novas                 
    Handel                        25  0.31 Viking Raiders                  
    Walter Walrus                 25  0.22 Giant Redwoods                  
    
 5  Abie Costello                 24  0.32 Cambridge Tigers                
    Digger 'Archy' Harkness       24  0.31 Livermore Rowdy Yobbos          
    Nils Pedersen                 24  0.22 Bodoe Glimt                     
    
 8  Vulcan                        23  0.21 The Mythstics                   
    Ben Shahn                     23  0.35 Brisbane Dingos                 
    
10  Jim Krakouer                  22  0.31 Colombian Saints                
    Simon Legree                  22  0.32 Giant Redwoods                  
    
12  "Black" Jacques Shellaque     21  0.35 Cambridge Tigers                
    William King                  21  0.38 Besiktas Black Eagles           
    Kevin Sargant                 21  0.37 Manix Maulers                   
    Ken Lacur                     21  0.28 Manix Maulers                   
    
16  Jerry Atrick                  19  0.33 Havana Spaz Attack              
    Wayne Incolar                 19  0.32 Manix Maulers                   
    Sam Sylvester                 19  0.34 Cambridge Tigers                
    Groo the Wanderer             19  0.36 Wimbledon Litter Collectors     
    Albert Jones                  19  0.11 Besiktas Black Eagles           
    Bill S. Preston Esq.          19  0.34 Wimbledon Litter Collectors     
    Brandenburg                   19  0.22 Viking Raiders                  
    Ted Theodore Logan            19  0.48 Wimbledon Litter Collectors     
    
24  Halvard Trohaug               18  0.21 Bodoe Glimt                     
    Tchaikovsky                   18  0.10 Viking Raiders                  
    John Sprinter                 18  0.26 New York Hungry Vultures        
    Jimmy McClue                  18  0.05 Tartan Terrors                  
    Garry Ablett                  18  0.33 Colombian Saints                
    Titus Groan                   18  0.39 Livermore Rowdy Yobbos          
    Unit 39                       18  0.32 The Borg                        
    Ringo Weston                  18  0.26 Besiktas Black Eagles           
    
32  Vegard Larsen                 17  0.31 Bodoe Glimt                     
    Jim Wynd                      17  0.35 Roxburgh Kittens                
    Jose Farley                   17  0.23 The St. Louis Cattle            
    Lee Mealone                   17  0.50 Havana Spaz Attack              
    Perry Anthrust                17  0.45 Havana Spaz Attack              
    Allen Wrench                  17  0.51 Giant Redwoods                  
    
38  David Hardy                   16  0.22 New York Hungry Vultures        
    Ty Tannic                     16  0.38 Havana Spaz Attack              
    Bruce Aldred                  16  0.05 Manix Maulers                   
    Bruce Marlamb                 16  0.39 California Sluggers             
    Wade Evidens                  16  0.41 Holsworthy Hammers              
    Russell Jeffrey               16  0.22 Colombian Saints                
    
44  Joe Laurinidas                15  0.29 Berlin Maniac Warriors          
    Carl Langdon                  15  0.30 Colombian Saints                
    Scott Timm                    15  0.36 California Sluggers             
    James Hellwig                 15  0.15 Berlin Maniac Warriors          
    Fozzie Bear                   15  0.10 Seasame Street Muppets          
    Samuel Hamwickjones           15  0.45 The St. Louis Cattle            
    Windom Earle                  15  0.18 Twin Peaks Owls                 
    Ron Simmons                   15  0.30 Berlin Maniac Warriors          
    Harry Crusher                 15  0.36 New York Hungry Vultures        
    Shane Keys                    15  0.25 Newcastle Novas                 
    Sean McMillian                15  0.25 Greymoor Gladiators             
    Kevin Marvin                  15  0.32 New York Hungry Vultures        
    Joe Shmo                      15  0.38 Palo Alto Guild                 
    Richard Martel                15  0.28 Montreal Maulers                
    Jason Brocker                 15  0.42 Manix Maulers                   
    Cole Shute                    15  0.30 Havana Spaz Attack              
    Robert Remus                  15  0.09 Berlin Maniac Warriors          
    George King                   15  0.45 Chaos Demon Stalkers            
    Mal Davies                    15  0.34 Newcastle Novas                 
    James Neidhart                15  0.28 Berlin Maniac Warriors          
    
 
				POINTS
Pos	Name			   No. Acc.	Team
 1  Joey King                      57 0.45 Besiktas Black Eagles           
    
 2  Samuel Hamwickjones            51 0.45 The St. Louis Cattle            
    
 3  Sean Onme                      49 0.36 Giant Redwoods                  
    
 4  William King                   44 0.38 Besiktas Black Eagles           
    
 5  Billyjoe Clembourne            43 0.43 The St. Louis Cattle            
    
 6  Timothy Butterworth            42 0.46 The St. Louis Cattle            
    
 7  Craig Strilchuk                41 0.46 California Sluggers             
    
 8  Unit 32                        40 0.41 The Borg                        
    
 9  Unit 35                        38 0.40 The Borg                        
    Anders Christensen             38 0.37 Bodoe Glimt                     
    Grant Awish                    38 0.53 Giant Redwoods                  
    
12  Collin Spencer                 37 0.37 Brisbane Dingos                 
    Unit 34                        37 0.47 The Borg                        
    
14  Bruce Marlamb                  35 0.39 California Sluggers             
    Perry Anthrust                 35 0.45 Havana Spaz Attack              
    Allen Rench                    35 0.41 Havana Spaz Attack              
    
17  Pete Moss                      34 0.46 Havana Spaz Attack              
    
18  Val Voline                     33 0.42 Havana Spaz Attack              
    Jim Senile                     33 0.43 The St. Louis Cattle            
    
20  Scott Timm                     31 0.36 California Sluggers             
    Vegard Larsen                  31 0.31 Bodoe Glimt                     
    Sam Sylvester                  31 0.34 Cambridge Tigers                
    Curly Moe                      31 0.48 Giant Redwoods                  
    Allen Wrench                   31 0.51 Giant Redwoods                  
    
25  Andrew Theday                  30 0.43 Giant Redwoods                  
    George King                    30 0.45 Chaos Demon Stalkers            
    Mathew Dundas                  30 0.49 Roxburgh Kittens                
    Greg Peck                      30 0.48 Newcastle Novas                 
    
29  Titus Groan                    29 0.39 Livermore Rowdy Yobbos          
    Karl Bouche                    29 0.45 Brisbane Dingos                 
    Brett Stevens                  29 0.44 Roxburgh Kittens                
    
32  Animal                         28 0.40 Seasame Street Muppets          
    Perry Stalsis                  28 0.31 Havana Spaz Attack              
    Wade Anchor                    28 0.30 Holsworthy Hammers              
    Bruce Aristotle                28 0.40 Wallamaloo Philosophy Department
    Ivan Farley                    28 0.28 The St. Louis Cattle            
    Craig Senef                    28 0.49 California Sluggers             
    Gregorian Stanescu             28 0.34 Montreal Maulers                
    
39  Ben Shahn                      27 0.35 Brisbane Dingos                 
    Jim Krakouer                   27 0.31 Colombian Saints                
    Michael Hegstrand              27 0.42 Berlin Maniac Warriors          
    Richard Martel                 27 0.28 Montreal Maulers                
    Henry Old                      27 0.54 The St. Louis Cattle            
    Digger 'Archy' Harkness        27 0.31 Livermore Rowdy Yobbos          
    Mike Wizard                    27 0.43 Newcastle Novas                 
    
46  Bill S. Preston Esq.           26 0.34 Wimbledon Litter Collectors     
    Dawn 'Venus' Starshine         26 0.35 Livermore Rowdy Yobbos          
    
48  Garry Ablett                   25 0.33 Colombian Saints                
    Rudy "the Rocket" Richard      25 0.49 Cambridge Tigers                
    Tony Lockett                   25 0.51 Colombian Saints                
    Bruce Hume                     25 0.55 Wallamaloo Philosophy Department
    Steinar Nohr                   25 0.49 Bodoe Glimt                     
    Cole Shute                     25 0.30 Havana Spaz Attack              
    Dian                           25 0.38 Pinyin Mandarins                
 
INJURIES:

Heart Division:				Injuries	IPG (Injuries Per Game)
The St. Louis Cattle                     16	1.14
Havana Spaz Attack                       12	0.86
Brisbane Dingos                          26	1.86
Berlin Maniac Warriors                   25	1.79
Manix Maulers                            24	1.71
CSUA                                     26	1.86
The Mythstics                            22	1.57
Tasmanian Devils                         78	5.57

Diamond Division: Giant Redwoods 18 1.29 Roxburgh Kittens 48 3.43 Wallamaloo Philosophy Department 28 2.00 Holsworthy Hammers 14 1.00 Bohemian Rhapsody 15 1.07 Greymoor Gladiators 34 2.43 Palo Alto Guild 33 2.36 Viking Raiders 35 2.50

Spade Division: Besiktas Black Eagles 14 1.00 Newcastle Novas 14 1.00 Montreal Maulers 14 1.00 Cambridge Tigers 37 2.64 Colombian Saints 38 2.71 Seasame Street Muppets 19 1.36 Black Lectroids 18 1.29 New York Hungry Vultures 21 1.50

Club Division: California Sluggers 11 0.79 The Borg 13 0.93 Bodoe Glimt 23 1.64 Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 12 0.86 Wimbledon Litter Collectors 29 2.07 Pinyin Mandarins 14 1.00 Tartan Terrors 38 2.71 Twin Peaks Owls 36 2.57 SCORING:

GS BS PS PPG SA ASA Heart Division: The St. Louis Cattle 329 320 2294 163.86 323 23.07 Havana Spaz Attack 281 274 1961 140.07 407 29.07 Brisbane Dingos 186 172 1288 92.00 897 64.07 Berlin Maniac Warriors 134 146 950 67.86 1305 93.21 Manix Maulers 121 117 843 60.21 1072 76.57 CSUA 80 90 570 40.71 1306 93.29 The Mythstics 62 92 464 33.14 1327 94.79 Tasmanian Devils 31 41 227 16.21 1934 138.14

Diamond Division: Giant Redwoods 370 308 2528 180.57 360 25.71 Roxburgh Kittens 149 150 1044 74.57 916 65.43 Wallamaloo Philosophy Department162 144 1116 79.71 798 57.00 Holsworthy Hammers 116 137 833 59.50 669 47.79 Bohemian Rhapsody 104 102 726 51.86 1105 78.93 Greymoor Gladiators 109 102 756 54.00 1584 113.14 Palo Alto Guild 75 80 530 37.86 1267 90.50 Viking Raiders 69 83 497 35.50 1331 95.07

[Editor's Puzzlement: Okay, WPD averaged more PPG than the Kittens; gave up fewer per game than the Kittens...so why'd we come in third?

Answer: Injured mobiles down the stretch.]

Spade Division: Besiktas Black Eagles 204 217 1441 102.93 423 30.21 Newcastle Novas 153 172 1090 77.86 659 47.07 Montreal Maulers 145 150 1020 72.86 879 62.79 Cambridge Tigers 201 167 1373 98.07 913 65.21 Colombian Saints 122 131 863 61.64 819 58.50 Seasame Street Muppets 114 119 803 57.36 888 63.43 Black Lectroids 52 45 357 25.50 1597 114.07 New York Hungry Vultures 92 107 659 47.07 1423 101.64

Club Division: California Sluggers 238 221 1649 117.78 371 26.50 The Borg 224 200 1544 110.29 750 53.57 Bodoe Glimt 174 179 1223 87.36 908 64.85 Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 167 165 1167 83.36 755 53.93 Wimbledon Litter Collectors 127 123 885 63.21 1080 77.14 Pinyin Mandarins 115 115 805 57.50 1218 87.00 Tartan Terrors 63 73 451 32.21 1517 108.36 Twin Peaks Owls 36 62 278 19.86 1293 92.36

GS = Goals Scored BS = Behinds Scored (Points) PS = Points Scored PPG = Points Per Game SA = Points Scored Against ASA = Average Points Scored Against

TOPS & BOTTOMS:

Points Per Game (For) TOP FIVE:

Californian Redwoods 180.57 St. Louis Cattle 163.86 <--- Cup winner Havana Spaz Attack 140.07 <--- Cup runner-up Is anyone surprised? Californian Sluggers 117.78 The Borg 110.29

Points Per Game (For) BOTTOM FIVE:

Tasmanian Devils 16.21 Twin Peaks Owls 19.86 Black Lectroids 25.50 Tartan Terrors 32.21 The Mythstics 33.14

Points Per Game (Against) TOP FIVE:

St. Louis Cattle 23.07 <--- Cup winner: Defense wins championships Californian Redwoods 25.71 Californian Sluggers 26.50 Havana Spaz Attack 29.07 <--- Cup runner-up Besiktas Black Eagles 30.21

Points Per Game (Against) BOTTOM FIVE:

Tasmanian Devils 138.14 Black Lectroids 114.07 Greymoor Gladiators 113.14 Tartan Terrors 108.36 New York Hungry Vultures101.64

Injuries per Game TOP FOUR:

Californian Sluggers 11 Livermore Rowdy Yobbos 12 Havana Spaz Attack 12 The Borg 13

[Editor's Note: Many tied at 14]

Injuries per Game BOTTOM FIVE:

Tasmanian Devils 78 Roxburgh Kittens 48 Tartan Terrors 38 Columbian Saints 38 Cambridge Tigers 37